Thursday, September 25, 2014

High Hopes

How about having Indian expats on Mars? Stand-up comedian Appurv Gupta presents a hilarious story of the Sharmas, who happen to be the first family on the red planet
We Indians love travelling to distant places and there’s a reason why no place look  alien to us. Wherever we go our network follows. After converting places like Canada, UK, US, Australia and heaven to mini-India, a middle class Indian family, a die-hard fan of Vasco Da Gama had a quest to move to a place where Indians don’t exist. So after three years of research on Google Maps and Punjab roadways, they found a place some 401 million kms away. It’s Mars.
Some people say this decision was taken as the family was from Delhi (jaha literally boond boond se hi ghada bharta hai) and they had once heard a TV journalist claiming the existence of water on the red planet. They decided to start preparations on the day ISRO successfully launchedMangalYaan. Sharma Aunty, the head of the family, was quite nervous as no one from her maternal family had ever been to Mars. So she started dictating the list of items to carry to Sharma uncle.
Sharma Aunty: Write Tulsi ka podha, Ganga Jal, two packets GhuijiaSaabudaane ka aata, bundle of newspapers, poodi and aam ka achaar, sweaters, bete Chintu ki schools books, mobile charger, khulle paise,All Out.
Sharma Uncle: Honey! All Out?
Sharma Aunty: Shut up and wrap those bathroom slippers in newspaper. Achha pata karo ye Mangalyaan me dip chai to ni dete hain?
After they finally reached Mars, it was initially difficult to adjust for the family. It was tough for Sharma uncle to travel on Mars as there was no traffic. So just to keep his irritating attitude up he has developed a split personality disorder and now he enjoys abusing himself. Sharma Aunty missed shopping and that romantic experience when Sharmaji used to wait outside the changing room for hours. So now she has made ‘Hide and Seek’ a mandatory game for the family. Their son Chintu was living a depressing life with no girlfriends, no fun and over ambitious parents so he gave up and now he is an engineer.
Now they are living a happy and prosperous life, they are planning to start ‘Sharma property dealers, Sales and Rent’ soon. Chintu is now a successful writer he wrote his best selling novel Two planets of my Life. Their entire family including mama, mausi, chacha has shifted to Mars. All this came into news when Sharda University received an invitation from Mars to sell the copyright of their tagline “The World is here where are you”.
Envy of their prosperity, ISIS is planning to conquer MARS which is basically first step of their plan to conquer Milky Way. In between a statement was passed by Bilawal Bhutto saying “we will take back Mars from this universe it belongs to Pakistan”. Another statement was passed from Pakistan saying “Take back Bilawal, we are sure he belongs to the third world”.
Inspired by this successful mission of ISRO Mangalyaan, Indian scientists have gained some confidence and now they look more confident in client discussions. Seeing this, China has developed special crackers for this Diwali, ‘Rockets that fly to Mars’. In between Rahul Gandhi stated the importance of women empowerment saying the credit goes to the women of this country because ‘Men are from Venus, Women are from Mars’.

Published on The Pioneer - 25/09/2014
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